The Other Back-to-School List: Emotions, Pressure, and Where to Get Support

From first-day jitters to bullying and burnout, what students and parents need to know, and where to turn for support.

The start of a new school year isn't just about new schedules and school supplies; it's an emotional transition for the whole family. Excitement, anxiety, hope, and dread can all show up in the same week, sometimes in the same conversation. And this doesn't only apply to teenagers. Younger children navigate their own version of back-to-school stress too, whether that's separation anxiety, trouble adjusting to a new classroom, or the challenges that come with ADHD or a busy household. This toolkit is designed for parents of children and teens of all ages, offering a look at the emotions back-to-school season can bring, along with real resources to lean on when things feel like too much.

Why Back-to-School Season Feels So Big, At Every Age

For young children, going back to school can mean separation anxiety, adjusting to a new teacher or classroom routine, or feeling overwhelmed by a full day of structure and social demands after a more relaxed summer.

For older kids and teens, it often means stepping back into a world of social pressure, academic expectations, and constant change: new classes, new social dynamics, and sometimes an entirely new school.

For parents, back-to-school season brings its own stress across the board: managing schedules for one or multiple kids, navigating a child's individual needs (including things like ADHD or anxiety), and worrying about how a child is really doing, especially when younger kids can't always articulate it, and teens don't always want to say.

It's normal for this season to bring a mix of emotions rather than one clear feeling, at any age. Recognizing that mix, rather than expecting a child, teen, or yourself to feel simply "excited" or "fine," is the first step toward navigating it well.

Common Emotional Experiences During Back-to-School Season

Back-to-school anxiety

It's common for kids and teens alike to feel nervous in the days and weeks leading up to school, have trouble sleeping, a knot in the stomach, irritability, clinginess, or a sudden reluctance to talk about school at all. This can show up whether it's a child's first year of school or a teen's last.

For students: If your stomach feels like it's in knots or you can't stop thinking about everything that could go wrong, you're not alone; this is one of the most common experiences students have this time of year. Naming the specific worry (a new class, a friend group, a teacher) can make it feel more manageable than a vague sense of dread.

For parents: Watch for signs like changes in sleep, appetite, or mood, avoidance of school-related conversations, clinginess or tantrums in younger kids, or physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches) that seem to spike around school-related events. Gentle, curious questions, rather than reassurance that everything will be fine, often open the door to real conversation, at any age.

ADHD and back-to-school transitions

For kids and teens with ADHD, the shift from a flexible summer schedule back to structured school days can be especially challenging, including sitting still for longer periods, managing multiple assignments, or adjusting to a new teacher's expectations around attention and organization.

For parents: The start of the school year is often a good time to revisit or establish supports that help, whether that's a 504 plan, an IEP, organizational tools at home, or a check-in with your child's pediatrician or prescriber if medication is part of their treatment plan. Transitions tend to go more smoothly with consistent routines and clear, simple expectations rather than a fresh start with no structure at all.

Fear of being judged

Worrying about how you're perceived by classmates, teachers, or even friends you've had for years is an incredibly common part of growing up, and it can start well before the teen years. This fear can affect everything from what a student wears to whether they raise their hand in class or sit with someone new at lunch.

This fear doesn't always fade with time or reassurance, but it often becomes more manageable when kids and teens have a few trusted people (a friend, sibling, parent, counselor, or therapist) they can be honest with about how they're really feeling.

Bullying

Bullying, whether in person or online, can deeply affect a student's sense of safety and self-worth at any age, and its effects often extend well beyond the classroom. It can look like direct harassment, exclusion, rumors, or targeted messages online, and it doesn't always happen "in front of" adults.

If you're a student experiencing bullying: What's happening isn't your fault, and it's not something you have to manage alone. Telling a trusted adult, a parent, teacher, coach, or school counselor, is one of the most effective first steps, even if it feels uncomfortable or like it might make things worse. Most schools have specific bullying-reporting processes designed to protect students who come forward.

If you're a parent: Kids and teens don't always disclose bullying right away, sometimes out of embarrassment, fear of consequences, or a worry that a parent will "make it worse." Signs to watch for include reluctance to go to school, changes in friend groups, unexplained physical symptoms, or sudden secrecy around a phone or social media in older kids. If your child does open up, listening without immediately jumping to a fix can help them feel safe enough to share more.

Academic pressure and struggling with classes

Whether it's a harder course load, a learning difference, or simply the adjustment period at the start of a new year, academic struggles are extremely common at every grade level, and they don't reflect a student's worth or intelligence.

For students: If a class or subject feels overwhelming, that's information, not a failure. Reaching out to a teacher, tutor, or guidance counselor early in the semester is far easier than trying to catch up after falling behind.

For parents: Try to separate a child's struggles with a subject from their sense of self-worth. Conversations that focus on problem-solving ("What do you think would help here?") tend to land better than conversations that focus on performance or comparison, for a seven-year-old or a seventeen-year-old alike.

Balancing academics, extracurriculars, and home life

Many students, especially in middle and high school, juggle a demanding class schedule alongside sports, clubs, jobs, or other commitments, and the pressure to "do it all" can lead to burnout, sleep loss, and chronic stress. Younger children can feel this too, especially in households balancing multiple kids' schedules, activities, and needs at once.

It can help to periodically check in with yourself, if you're a student, or with your child, if you're a parent, about whether current commitments still feel sustainable, rather than assuming a schedule that worked last year will automatically work this year too. It's also worth remembering that stress at home (family conflict, changes in routine, financial pressure) can affect how a child shows up at school, even if the source of stress has nothing to do with school itself.

Tools for Managing the Back-to-School Transition

Build in decompression time. After a full day of social and academic demands, unstructured downtime isn't laziness; it's often necessary for emotional regulation, at any age.
Create a predictable routine. Consistent sleep, meal, and homework routines can reduce the mental load of a demanding schedule, especially in the first few weeks of a new year, and especially for kids who thrive on structure, including many kids with ADHD.
Normalize talking about hard feelings. Whether you're a young child, a teen, or a parent, treating anxiety, sadness, or stress as normal parts of the transition, rather than problems to hide, makes it easier to ask for help when it's needed.
Identify a "go-to" adult at school. Having at least one adult at school a child or teen feels comfortable approaching, a counselor, teacher, or coach, can make a significant difference when problems come up during the day.
Limit comparison, especially on social media. For older kids and teens, seeing curated versions of other people's "first day" or social lives can intensify feelings of inadequacy. It can help to notice when social media is amplifying stress rather than easing it.

Resources Worth Knowing About

Guidance counselors

School guidance counselors are trained to support students of all ages through academic, social, and emotional challenges, and reaching out to one isn't just for "big" problems. Counselors can help with everything from schedule conflicts to bullying concerns to connecting a student with outside mental health support.

Child and youth therapists

A therapist who specializes in working with children and teens can provide a consistent, confidential space to work through anxiety, stress, family conflict, ADHD-related challenges, identity questions, or the effects of bullying. Starting therapy doesn't require a crisis; many kids and teens benefit from having ongoing support, even during "normal" ups and downs, and even at a young age.

Medication management

For some children and teens, anxiety, depression, ADHD, or other challenges are significantly eased with medication as part of a broader treatment plan. This is a decision best made in partnership with a pediatrician, psychiatrist, or psychiatric nurse practitioner, who can evaluate whether medication is appropriate and monitor its effects over time as a child grows and school demands change.

Reporting bullying to a trusted adult

Whether the bullying is happening on the playground, in the hallway, in a group chat, or on social media, telling a trusted adult- a parent, teacher, coach, or counselor- is one of the most important steps a student can take, at any age. Most schools are required to respond to reports of bullying, and parents can also advocate directly with school administration if needed.

The Trevor Project

For LGBTQIA+ youth, especially in middle and high school, back-to-school season can bring additional layers of stress, navigating identity, safety, and acceptance in social and academic environments that don't always feel welcoming. The Trevor Project provides crisis support and suicide prevention services specifically for LGBTQIA+ young people, available 24/7 by phone, text, or chat. It's a resource worth knowing about whether or not a young person is currently in crisis.

A Final Note for Parents

You don't need to have all the answers to support your child well, whatever their age. Often, the most powerful thing you can offer is consistency: being someone they can come to without fear of judgment, checking in without demanding details, and letting them know, clearly and often, that struggling with the transition back to school doesn't mean something is wrong with them, and that mental health support isn't just for older kids or major crises.

A Final Note for Students

However this school year is starting out for you- excited, anxious, dreading it, or all three- your feelings make sense, and you don't have to navigate them by yourself. Support is available, whether that's a friend, a family member, a school counselor, or a therapist. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a setback.

If you or a young person you know is struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, The Trevor Project is available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, or by texting START to 678-678. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is also available by call or text at 988. This resource is intended for educational purposes and isn't a substitute for individualized care.